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whispered by eye sister on March 17th 2026
The Wet Sense (part one)
A multi-part extraordinarium featuring Leaf Mama & the Cream Puddins
Dare to Ignore Everything. That's my problem-free prophecy, babygirl. One two three proverbial shots of burning hell and it fades like grenades. I'd like to see you try that too. I'd like to see you again.
What you need to understand for your sake is that it's never going to get better. Boil as your spirits might, you'll always be a Frog of the Planet. You can reach out to your pebble pals all you want; you'll find that they've always been phantoms. You've surrounded yourself with lights. The next morning, there's no one to clean the wound. I will see you again. I'm sorry.
But shut up about that. It's been like a year, dude. I'm here to present a better post so you don't leave. I can do that. I know what you're all thinking. I'm ornery and I'm ugly and I'm lonely and I don't always make sense and what do I even do other than post. But I don't even process what you think because you're irrelevant and barely exist. I barely exist. I only exist as long as you allow it, so shut up and let me get on with it.
Let's talk about [...] food. Who doesn't love shoveling the... who doesn't love eating! Am I right? Sounds normal.
Let me tell you about my favorite food, actually. Oatmeal. In the wet sense. It's just... it can't fail, you know? One of the few things that can't fail me. I'm sure you epic cultured enthusiasts probably love beef Wellingtons or whatever, but I hate when things have things. It makes me furious and vicious. You have to understand.
Anyway... To take the heat of all my haters I have contacted someone who doesn't like oatmeal: my rare friend Leaf Mama. We'll have a nice enjoyable time and she will take over this post instantly.
It has come to my attention that Leaf Mama is not currently interested in writing for this website. That's okay. Owing to the influence of her strong and beautiful hands and substances, I have come armed with boundless wisdom with which to entertain the likes of you.
First, let me tell you a story here. She says people actually like that more than pleas for help, apparently. It was a bright and clear Saturday evening.
I was holed up at home like ALWAYS... checking out a collection disc of games, which I had purchased earlier at this crapware computer-like shop, see. It was as ominous as it was cheap, but no more than that, so I felt I had to go for it. I felt a kind of nostalgia for the idea of buying a physical disc with computer games on it in this day and age, which made me quite excited to see what was up—enough to ignore the guy's warning that it was "full of ghosts" and that I would "die immediately and gruesomely" upon playing it. Now, I'm no good at telling if someone is joking or not, but just to stay on the safe side, I assumed that he was, and headed home.
I logged onto my crumbling old laptop (my only angel in this life) and gently positioned the disc in the dusty and rarely used disc tray, then pushed the button to let it slide back in. It's a lost art, an ancestral ritual that I was soon pulled out of by a terribly loud noise coming from the speaker. Screaming. And it wasn't mine like usual.
Eventually the screen went black for a moment, and lit back up to show a game. It's gonna be tough to describe this to you... Basically, it's like we died. Imagine that. Above us, only hell. We're going beyond. We come back around, and there we have it: a creature on a white screen.
You could click. If you were to click the creature, you'd immediately and painfully obtain its Blood; the currency of the game, as tends to be. It doesn't mind or doesn't protest.
You could spend that Blood on the actual point of the game: the Casino, another capitalized word, and another capitalist dream! No longer are you tied to the primitive dance of working for money; just go suck up a little luck liquid from that friend of yours and get gambling.
I thought that was amazing so I instantly extracted all of the Blood. Unfortunately, this instantly vaporizes the creature forever, so you can't play anymore... unless you keep winning with the Blood you already have! And for a while, that's exactly what I did. I felt I had to get my money's worth from this game even though it was like two bucks.
Of course a few minutes later I got bored of it and destroyed the last remaining copy of the disc repeatedly. I kinda forgot to, like, look at the other games on there. But that's just par for the course for a queen Bee like Me. I love bees. I don't like those anime human bugs and moths and stuff because they're just people in a costume, and I want a proper humanoid human-like capital-letter four-armed Bee with capital-letter Thighs. I want to talk to that queen for a moment or twice.
So, uh, anyway, there's the story. I guess I'll see you next time. I hope Leaf lets me win at Bonanza Brothers. God, I hope. Now, if you'll excuse me, there are several room-temperature beerskis awaiting my maternal touch in the mini fridge. That little guy does not work.
feed on me